:-)

Jul. 22nd, 2014 02:53 pm
kaberett: A series of phrases commonly used in academic papers, accompanied by humourous "translations". (science!)
[personal profile] kaberett
That mantle sulphides doc I wrote up based on having gone "no, you know what, this stuff is important and we should think about it"? My supervisor agrees to the extent that she's intending to use it as the basis for a grant application and setting up some more potentially exciting collaborations for me. And while the writing deffo stands to be improved, I actually got "good" scrawled on the thing at a couple of points.

This really massively feels like a major milestone in terms of The Self As Researcher: it is the first time in my PhD that I have properly gone "nobody has done this before and I think we need to look at it", and -- I was right. I was right and I'm taking ownership of my project and setting direction. I was right and my supervisor is going to write a grant proposal based on my document, and let me see how the thing is done.
such_heights: buffy kissing faith's forehead (btvs: buffy/faith)
[personal profile] such_heights
Level Up
by [personal profile] such_heights
fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
music: Level Up - Vienna Teng
content notes: none
summary: "I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero."
download: 48MB zipped .avi
notes: A very belated birthday present for [personal profile] purplefringe. Many thanks to [personal profile] silly_cleo and [personal profile] raven for beta. also on tumblr.

embed )

Dear Journal: Happy 10th Birthday

Jul. 19th, 2014 10:44 am
hairyears: (Woolly Moustache)
[personal profile] hairyears
Today my LiveJournal is ten years old. Appropriately enough, it started with a pun .

I could do a series of indulgent 'on this day' reposts, but a quick review of the LiveJournal calendar reveals the awful truth: there are some highlights, but much of what I write is rather dull.

So tell me: What's your favourite Hairyears post?

And, as the greater part of any LJ is the comments, given and received: What's your favourite Hairyears comment?

Bits of Hairyears-on-LJ trivia for you... )

There are people I should thank a *lot*. But, for the big things in life, we never do: the best we can hope for is to pay it 'forward', rather than pay it back, passing on the grace to others.

fuck.

Jul. 18th, 2014 10:29 pm
kaberett: Sketch of a "colourless, hamsterish"  animal having a paddy. (anxiety creature)
[personal profile] kaberett
I have spent the past two days housebound in an attempt to let my lungs recover. Because reasons I had to pop over the road just now.

I still can't leave the house without coughing fits bad enough to prevent me walking.

I hate being this ill. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
kaberett: Overlaid Mars & Venus symbols, with Swiss Army knife tools at other positions around the central circle. (Default)
[personal profile] kaberett
It is actively triggering. Please please please put it behind a descriptive cut. Please use content notes. Please let me know so I can not. read. it. -- because it does not play nicely at all with my history of disordered eating.

This goes for numbers. It goes for calorie-counting. It goes for target amounts lost. I do. not. want. to. know. If you're not willing to use content notes/cuts, please tell me now so I can unsubscribe, because I need to not see it.

For reasons I completely fail to understand we're now at three in about the past month. I have absolutely run out of cope for asking people politely and individually. Please just don't fucking show me that shit.

Healthwork

Jul. 17th, 2014 04:57 pm
kaberett: a dalek stands at the foot of a flight of stairs, thinking "fuck." (dalek)
[personal profile] kaberett
So far today:
  • e-mailed sleep log to counsellor
  • counselling
  • one difficult conversation
  • daylight lamp
  • eaten two meals
  • e-mailed the research group's mailing list asking people to do the thing to my samples I was unable to do today because I'm housebound
  • e-mailed my supervisor, see previous
  • e-mailed occupational health
  • read & responded to (helpful!!!) e-mail that just came in from my union rep, including a reply to her e-mail from yesterday to let her know I've contacted occupational health
  • e-mailed counsellor to set up next week's session
  • actually taken any of my meds
  • tracked down the way to request a slot at the walk-in clinic, tracked down opening times of walk-in slot, stuck reminder to self in diary, for sexual health screening
  • read e-mail union rep just sent to the building managers she's being amazing ;__________;
  • wrote first draft a letter to the DWP about how my situation's deteriorated since I made my application
Still to do:

  • work out how to summarise the impact my health issues have on my life for the GP
kaberett: Photograph of clementine with perplexed face drawn on. (clementine)
[personal profile] kaberett
CN: difficulty with breathing, all the ongoing stuff.

Read more... )

eta sent, having checked in with about five different people over a variety of media; please feel free to make reassuring noises at me.

GP went vastly better than expected!

Jul. 16th, 2014 01:10 pm
kaberett: Toph making a rock angel (toph-rockangel)
[personal profile] kaberett
1. My psych meds are now on repeat prescription; I get two months' worth at a time, two issues before review is required, with the intention that I'll still drop in to talk to the GP once every 5-6 weeks. This gives me so much more flexibility. (I ran out of my ~official~ meds Sunday. Good thing I have a stockpile.)

2. Dude actually responded really well to me being extremely stark and uncompromising about how little risk there was in giving me access to sufficient medication.

3. HE HAS GIVEN ME A COPY OF THE DWP FORM. I AM TO FILL OUT THE BITS HE DOESN'T KNOW THE ANSWERS TO/WRITE SUGGESTED ANSWERS, THEN RETURN IT. :D (There was the point at which he went "... you clearly know a lot about this, probably more than me, which makes you easy to work with.")

4. I've referrals for spirometry and a chest x-ray: he agrees that whatever's going on with my lungs is Weird and deserving of extra investigation, and was Clearly Unimpressed that the last time I'd had a spirometry appt at the practice the nurse had gone "yeah wevs" and just done peak flow on me instead.

5. I asked, in passing at the end of the session, about physio with someone hypermobility-aware, because all the standard physio I've had has been actively unhelpful. "She's on holiday at the moment," he sez, "but remind me next time and I'll refer you to our in-practice person who is really good at hypermobility."


Major fucking props to [personal profile] sebastienne, who came down to London late last night in order to accompany me to this morning's appointment (and ate food I prepared, which always makes me happy, and also tolerated me going "BUT SUNDIALS THOUGH" in the Science Museum briefly). I have such amazing people in my life (yes, you): I am so lucky, and I am so grateful.

(Entertainment: twice this week people have forgotten/wordmistaken on the topic of whether [personal profile] sebastienne and I are dating. Polymer chemistry!)
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
[personal profile] kaberett
You can tell, because I got home at around 8.30pm after a 12+-hour day at work - most of it in lab - and because actual food sounds difficult and like effort... I have a from-scratch quiche in the oven (membrillo paste made by my mum, caramelised onions, a metric fucktonne of vintage cheddar, rosemary crust), new potatoes coming to a boil on the stove, and dough for chelsea buns murbling away to itself in the breadmaker.

Important Alex Facts: when food is too much like effort, I do this kind of nonsense, because it is ritual and calming and the process is an ends in itself, and as and when everything is done I'll suddenly go "... huh. Food. Sufficient food for the next few days. ... APPARENTLY I AM HUNGRY."

(Meanwhile all the washing up has happened - or at least the first round - and I've sorted the recycling. Domestic bliss, or something.)

In all seriousness

Jul. 15th, 2014 02:08 pm
kaberett: a dalek stands at the foot of a flight of stairs, thinking "fuck." (dalek)
[personal profile] kaberett
who the hell am I supposed to contact given:
  • smokers are (illegally!) rendering my building so toxic that I can't actually enter/exit it without rendering myself unable to breathe
  • an initial e-mail 4 months ago to disability services & building manager has resulted in no useful follow-up, and nor have the two most recent chasing e-mails

... because this isn't actually sustainable. I can't do my job without entering the building; I can't enter the building without getting poisoned, and if I were actually on a contract I'd be seriously thinking about constructive dismissal, but that's not how PhD stipends work.

(No, really, at least two hundred metres of corridor and the entire central stairwell are currently not actually usable by me without causing damage. The only mostly-safe route to my areas of work has no working lifts. I literally cannot get to my desk +wheelchair without exposure, or to my lab at all unless I time breathing very carefully. As for getting to my desk without chair, it's about six flights of stairs, which isn't sustainable given my joints. It is shit.)

An almost entirely facetious list

Jul. 14th, 2014 04:23 pm
kaberett: A drawing of a black woman holding her right hand, minus a ring finger, in front of her face. "Oh, that. I cut it  off." (molly - cut it off)
[personal profile] kaberett
... which I was already contemplating making this morning, but feel even more in need of now.

It is a list of Best Things About Being A Wheelchair User, to be added to as I go along.

1. Wearing shoes I can't walk in.
2. Never being without a seat on public transport.
3. Going downhill.
4. Wheelies.

urgh.

Jul. 14th, 2014 12:58 pm
kaberett: a dalek stands at the foot of a flight of stairs, thinking "fuck." (dalek)
[personal profile] kaberett
It is 1pm; I have not yet managed to leave the house, in part because neither getting my wheelchair up the stairs then dealing with buses nor getting the tube then walking 2x500m sounds like a thing I want to deal with.

~the DWP still thinks I'm not disabled~
hairyears: (Default)
[personal profile] hairyears
I read an interesting comment yesterday, in a discussion about being slightly Aspie, and very bright, and finding it difficult to communicate:
"Sometimes it is very difficult to organise information into a structure that makes sense to others, as your brain has all sorts of associations it has created that may not be understandable to other people, but are crystal clear to you because of the associative thinking you have.
I'm not linking or crediting the source for that - it's a private conversation, and I do not want to 'out' the participants and expose them to the prejudices that exist among the neurotypical population - but there are some very complex ideas in that sentence, expressed with uncommon clarity.

My first reaction was to ask if this is an Asperger 'thing' at all: as you will see in my anecdote below, there are examples of internalised mental models everywhere, and it isn't all that unusual for them to be nonverbal, and therefore difficult to explain to others.

However, there are common cases where the inabilty to explain is something else entirely. Here's my observation and some anecdotes, from the world of programming in a corporate environment...
Deep thinking, and why this matters... )
Is your unspoken mental model like the pre-Copernican solar system?
Or worse... )
And I believe that these cognitive issues exist in other disciplines, especially medicine - very few consultants can explain their diagnostic model, not all of it - and many are 'rationalising' (or deliberately fabricating an answer that sounds better than 'gut feeling') when they oversimplify their internal model into short sentences on a medical report.

I note that some of them are very defensive indeed when asked for explanations.

And I'll leave out all discussion about our internal mental map of the community of people we live in: the 'social graph' is the most complex and fluid and illogical and inconsistent structure that we humans hold within our minds, and none of us can explain it at all, except in short sequences of 'gossip' describing a specific relationship or an interaction.

(no subject)

Jul. 14th, 2014 12:23 am
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
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(no subject)

Jul. 13th, 2014 11:50 pm
denise: Image: Me, facing away from camera, on top of the Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome (Default)
[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_maintenance
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todo/tada

Jul. 13th, 2014 01:00 pm
kaberett: a watercolour painting of an oak leaf floating on calm water (leaf-on-water)
[personal profile] kaberett
todo )

tada )

but mantle sulphides, though

Jul. 13th, 2014 01:11 am
kaberett: Stylized volcano against a stormy sky, with streams of lava running down its sides. (volcano)
[personal profile] kaberett
... are pretty much all you're going to get me to talk about 'til Wednesay. *chinhands*

(Here is a thing: because I do the staggeringly stereotypical Thing where I find it quite hard to organise large volumes of complex information into a structure that makes sense to anyone who isn't me, Supervisor has me doing a series of writing exercises - 2 pages + a diagram on a topic relevant to my thesis, to potentially be eventually incorporated. First one due Weds; I requested it be on the thing I was already perseverating about, viz, mantle sulphides. So, er, now the first document I'm prepping as a thing I was already a bit scared of... is also an attempt to persuade my supervisor that there's mileage in this idea I've had, and she wants to go to the effort of sourcing me samples to actually do the reconnaisance study. You know I keep muttering about being stressed about work despite really enjoying it? Yeah.)
kaberett: photograph of the Moon taken from the northern hemisphere by GH Revera (moon)
[personal profile] kaberett
Longstanding family friend - one of my mum's best friends for decades - is not going to be with us much longer; we weren't close but he's always been a fixture and I am fond of the guy. He's a good man and it's a shit way to go. So... I'm going to be a bit wobbly, I suspect. (And rearranging my lab schedule to fit in the funeral, if considered appropriate.)

(That makes two of her people this year. How do I share the memories of these men with you, these men who were human and flawed and almost always one step removed from me and nonetheless important? I will try, I think, like this: Andy was, as best I recall, the first person ever to say that my poetry was good, and to ask if I was considering submitting for publication; Jake let me be slow and quiet and gentle with his dogs, and watched Ebony closely, and she let me hold one of her tiny squirmy eyes-still-shut legs-all-wonky puppies on my lap, and he was kind and impressed and let me practice commands on gun-dogs. On Christmas Eve every year a card would come through the door without a ring or knock & we'd listen for it in the interests of grabbing him and giving him a mince pie and a drink.)